Killing Mr. Griffin by Lois Duncan

Do you have any friends named Betsey? How about Lana – or even Sue? I’m guessing not. When your little brother is a complete moron, do you suggest that he “hush” – or do you perhaps say something stronger? My money is on stronger.

OK; so I’m always yakking about how reading isn’t lame and listing amazing books that you should be reading. I think I should also warn you, then, when lameness occurs. And here it is, children: Killing Mr. Griffin by Lois Duncan.

The story behind Killing Mr. Griffin sounds pretty cool: students hate strict teacher, decide to teach strict teacher a lesson – oops! – something goes seriously wrong. As a reasonably strict teacher myself, I think it’s just common sense to read these kinds of books. I need to know what the students are plotting so I can “watch my back,” so to speak.

It all sounds good, right? Eh. I thought the story was interesting, but the more I read, the more something was really off. First, the names. Betsey? Really? The last time I heard the name Betsey was when I was in high school which was – well, let’s just say it was in the 20th century. Then, the setting details. How many of you actually make Jell-o out of package? Why would you, when it comes in those amazing little plastic cups? What about television? What do you watch? Idol? DWTS? Not, I assume, The Newlywed Game or Let’s Make a Deal.

The more I read, the more I realized that this story was taking place in the 70’s, so I looked at the date in the front of the book and saw that it was originally published in 1978. That would be fine if the story was supposed to be taking place in the 70’s, but the author seems to have gone back in and added modern details like references to Google and cell phones. In the meantime, big things like mothers don’t seem to go to work during the day, but rather, sit around and play cards, are left like they are normal. I could be wrong, but I don’t think mothers have done that since Bewitched was running in prime time. (Yes, it was a TV show before it was a movie.)

My biggest complaint about Killing Mr. Griffin, however, is that the dialogue is completely unnatural. As a middle school teacher, I have a really good idea of what students sound like – and this isn’t it. “Will this do?” one teenager asks. Huh? I wish you spoke like that.

In my opinion, if the author wanted an updated version of her book, she should have changed much, much more. It isn’t enough to add a couple of pop culture details without eliminating those that are really dated. It’s like giving Ebenezer Scrooge an iPhone and trying to make us believe the story took place last Christmas. OK; so I’m exaggerating, but you get the idea.

In the end, the story wasn’t terrible – but the dialogue was awful. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

LAME FACTOR: Pretty lame. I give it a 3 out of 5.

YOUR PARENTS WILL FREAK FACTOR: Are you kidding? This is the 70’s. Well, I supposed they might object to the whole killing your teacher thing – and the one small reference to drugs and alcohol – but overall it was really tame.

BRAIN POWER: You will be blown away by the amazing sentence structure of the characters. Just kidding. It wasn’t overly complex.